Sanders vs. Trump

Posted on September 3, 2015 by

Moderator: Hello America and welcome to the first debate between the two major party candidates in the 2016 election for President of the United States. As agreed by both campaigns, the candidates will ask and answer their own questions. The focus is on domestic issues; the next debate will cover national security and foreign policy. The only role of the moderator will be to keep the time clock – no more than 30-seconds for each side. A flip of a coin determined that we’ll begin with Mr. Trump.

Donald Trump: So Bernie, I understand that you don’t like billionaires. Well now you’re running against one. Does that mean you don’t like me?

Bernie Sanders: It’s irrelevant how I feel about you personally. What’s important is that financial elites now dominate our economy and our politics. And that has to stop.

DT: You want to take my money from me? Is that what you have in mind?

BS: Just enough to make sure working people have what they need. Wouldn’t that be the right thing to do? You’ll keep your investments.

DT: You mean you won’t nationalize Trump Enterprises after you’re finished with the oil companies and the banks?

BS: It’s tempting (laughter and a spattering of applause) but just be prepared to contribute your fair share. So let me ask you this Mr. Trump, what’s your plan to rebuild the middle class?

DT: I’m glad you asked. This economy has been in the dumps for so long, people forgot what it’s like for the country to think big. I’ll make sure that capital investment stays within our borders and that we bring our jobs back from China. And that this work go to citizens. I’ll also clean out the bureaucrats from the Commerce Department and the EPA. And you can be sure that every deal I make – and you know I’m the best deal maker around – will be on behalf of hard-working Americans. How can you beat that? How’s the Communist Manifesto gonna help you there (a spattering of boos and hisses from the audience).

BS: Are you serious?

DT: Well, are you or are you not a socialist?

BS: A democratic socialist: capitalism serves the public, not the other way around.

DT: Listen to that folks, he sounds like Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro rolled into one (laughter and boos from the audience).

BS: A society as wealthy as ours has an obligation to make sure people have enough to eat, guaranteed health care, a clean environment and a decent wage. It’s also…

DT: Sounds great, right folks. But guess what, for those things to happen you need more rich people, and under a Trump Administration, a lot of families are gonna get rich. Top that, Vermont Senator Sanders. And, by the way, how many people live in your state? Half a million. I have that many on my payroll… O.K. I’m exaggerating.

BS: You talk like you can raise your arms into the air and make miracles. Or worse, that you’ll bring into the government the very same investment bankers and corporate thieves who have butchered our economy and never paid the price. That’s not what Americans want. You’re out-of-touch, my friend. The people in this country want a new day, a movement for change. That’s why I’ll be elected in November.

DT: Pretty good speech. Just one problem. Americans love Donald Trump. And as their president I’ll create real change. Making American great again.

BS: So you think you can run the country like one of your properties?

DT: People would rather have that than handing over their lives to government regulators and bullies.

BS: But you’re the bully, Mr. Trump, you and your buddies who grab everything for yourselves and leave the rest of us with nothing.

DT: Oh please.  Just wait and see what the people of this country have to say, who the people believe are the real job-creators.  I’m a builder, Bernie, what have you ever built?

BS: It’s not about me and it’s not about you,  In fact, to tell you the truth, I believe your ideas and your approach to government are dangerous.

DT: It’s weak and stupid leaders who are the real threat to our future.

BS: The American people – working families – won’t be fooled; they know what’s in their interest.

DT: I agree with you there, Bernie.  And when I’m in the white house, every decision will be for the little guy.  That’s why Americans believe in me.  I can make it happen.  Just watch.

Comments (2)


  1. Stella Resnick says:

    Scary scenario. I do hope the American people won’t be fooled by showmanship.

  2. Alan Kishbaugh says:

    Very adroit piece of writing. You have stepped into the voice box of Donald Trump and created a dialogue that could easily come from him. This is delicious and needs a larger audience. Do consider submitting this to the LA Times as an Op-Ed.

Leave a Reply to Alan Kishbaugh